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Open Thoughts

Why do we want those who don’t want us? 

That’s been a constant thought I’ve had in the back of my mind for years. Like what is it about being infatuated by someone who doesn’t want anything to do with us but yet entertain us for the time being. I hate to admit, but my ex best friend wasn’t speaking all nonsense to me.

We were discussing all of those guys we used to have crushes on and she mentioned this one guy that I knew for sure she had to be joking about. The guy was nice, a little crazy much, angry whenever someone talked about him, yet if given chance he would do anything for you. Actually in fact, he was so dedicated that I think he would kill for you. Scary much? Anyway she said that she liked him a little bit. Shocked and appalled I asked why. And she just said he was no where interested in me and I like that. At the time I’m thinking that’s absurd. She was so convinced that it was normal and the more I think about it she was right.

We want the people who don’t want us so bad that we would go to lengths of trying hard, too hard in fact. If you’re wondering how did I think about this at all let me fill you in. I just got finished watching this somewhat promising movie at first glance on Netflix called, ” Honeytrap.” The gist of the movie is that this main character was so insecure and naive into believing the only way she could fit in was to date or be around this guy who at first entertained her but was clearly playing her to the left. Without telling all the beans of the movie she made a complete fool of herself while in the midst ruined the life of a guy who was sincerely interested in her but she wasn’t buying it. The guy she wanted had moved on but wanted to claim her where no one else could take her without committing to her and she was okay with it.

When asked what the hell her problem was with him she just said I don’t know. And for a moment I could relate in just that reply. I can’t exactly explain it either but it’s a habit you need to get rid of but it’s  too hard to do so. The addiction is equivalent to a drug. You know it’s bad but you want it for the temporary pleasure it gives you even if it doesn’t last forever . That one reply, one glance , one word that person gives us fulfills that void we didn’t even know was required. All in the back of our minds we think they will want us soon we just gotta keep it going, stand out, be different, and one day ….one day it may happen.

I reached out to a couple of my friends for their input. Both men and women. My girlfriends tend to comment more in depth whereas men just gave me a subtle or short answer. Which made me think this is obviously an issue women commonly go through. Men tend to only go through it for a short period of time the whole wanting but not having is limited.

But women go through this over and over. Two of my line sisters had really great answers:

“The more you act like you don’t want something, the more it wants you. Playing hard to get is something we just do. Why? I have no clue. We want someone that doesn’t want us because it’s a challenge. If it was easy we wouldn’t want it. We don’t want anything that’s easy. “
“I think it’s because we believe we know what we want for ourselves or what’s best for ourselves until we get hurt by that person. Its like a drug or a high. We love the idea that somebody wants us but in reality they really don’t.”
Boom they hit it right on the head, both basically saying the same things but different perspectives. I loved it. Key words they mentioned triggered me it’s the challenge, a drug, wants you. It all make sense!
Big question remaining that if us as woman know this is apart of our weakness why do we have a hard time knocking the habit? And when we finally do is it officially gone or has it’s prominence just decreased? Questions that need answers…
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